


Spiteful

by diemarysues



Series: Don't Turn Me Into Anything... Unnatural [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: ...yeah, Animal Transformation, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, I'm only posting this because Avelera's submit box isn't open
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2013-05-20
Packaged: 2017-12-12 10:02:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/810316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diemarysues/pseuds/diemarysues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*clears throat* I don't know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spiteful

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Avelera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avelera/gifts).



> Inspired by [this post](http://thealmightyabbi.tumblr.com/post/50683428462/so-there-were-suddenly-two-pictures-of-an-adorable).

It was Bilbo who figured it out first. Not because he was cleverer than the rest of the Company – although sometimes he had no choice but to admit that he had the most sense out of all of them – but because he’d grown up with whispered stories of naughty Hobbit children being turned into hedgehogs or sparrows because they’d ticked off a certain Grey Wizard.

 

Certainly, Gandalf was nowhere to be found, so that lent weight to Bilbo’s theory.

 

“Come along, Thorin. You’re not going to be turned back if you hide under there – though I do wish it’ll happen just so you’ll bash some sense into that thick skull of yours.”

 

Thorin hissed. It wasn’t very impressive.

 

“The others are quite worried, you know.” Bilbo wrinkled his nose. “Though I don’t think they’ll be easily convinced.”

 

Tiny – though likely sharp – teeth were bared in his direction.

 

“Oh, don’t be like that. Your pride will survive.” He thought about Fíli and Kíli. “Most likely.”

 

Thorin swiped his paw forward, claws fully extended. Bilbo only just managed to pull his hand away. Given the form he was currently in, it shouldn’t have been possible for Thorin to look smug while settling back on his haunches... but the King had a way of defying Bilbo’s expectations.

 

“Hey! I’m only trying to help! Goodness, you’d think that saving someone’s life would carry some weight in getting them to listen to you.”

 

The shouldn’t-have-been-possible smug look melted into a flat one. Bilbo just stared back, laying his chin on his folded arms.

 

“It’s not like _I_ turned you into a cat. Kitten.” Thorin hissed again. “It could have been worse, Thorin. You could be an insect, and then you’d’ve been trod on before any of us had thought to look for you.”

 

Thorin didn’t dignify this with a reply – _obviously_ – and instead mirrored Bilbo’s position. He very pointedly remained under the bed.

 

“I used to have a cat, you know, when I was a tween,” Bilbo said conversationally. “Aster was lovely. You would have liked her, I think.”

 

The mostly-black kitten huffed.

 

“No, you would! She used to chase the Ropers’s dogs if they tried to annoy her. And she was this tiny thing, pretty and spotted.” He sighed. He’d been inconsolable when Aster had died – valuable lesson on mortality or no, it had taken long hours in his father’s arms to calm his younger self down.

 

Thorin had relaxed opposite him, tail switching to and fro. He was a rather handsome kitten – and why a kitten and not a cat? – with his jet black fur and silver whiskers. Weirdly, Thorin’s silver cuff had remained on his right ear despite his transformation. Bilbo wondered if he’d noticed the bead near the end of his tail.

 

He (guiltily) wondered if Thorin would chase it if he did notice.

 

“Look, how about if I send the others in the wrong direction?”

 

Thorin opened one eye.

 

“I’ll hide you, or just say that I found a random kitten. And we’ll both get Gandalf to turn you back before the rest start to worry.”

 

The other eye had opened.

 

“To be honest, they’re not _really_ worried right now. I think they’re rather enjoying relaxing in Beorn’s home. So that works in our favour.” Bilbo watched warily as Thorin got to his feet and approached him. “And, yes, I’m perfectly capable of convincing Gandalf, so not to worry about that.”

 

He was meowed at, as if Thorin was trying to say ‘ _I wasn’t_ worried.’

 

“Shall we?”

 

Thorin gave him a passable nod and then – as if sealing a contract – licked him on the nose. Bilbo squeaked. Really, he understood that Thorin didn’t have a proper hand to shake but this was…

 

He scrambled to his feet, wincing a little when Thorin decided to claw his way up his clothes. Bilbo certainly hadn’t expected to have Thorin in his embrace again – though this time Thorin was in his arms instead of the other way around. Perhaps it didn’t count because of the Thorin-currently-being-a-kitten situation.

 

“Now. Would you like a saucer of milk?”

 

Thorin dug his claws in. Bilbo yelped.

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed. For fun. Makes no sense.  
> Also, I just remembered that Richard Armitage used to be in Cats. Ha.


End file.
